In 2011 the world renowned "Fograt" agreed to allow his likeness to serve as the logo for GISHWHES 2012. This is the heart-wrenching true story of his indisputable impact on the history of the world.
13.7 billion B.C. Originating from an infinite density and temperature, the birth of the universe is marked by an homogeneously and isotropically high-density pressure expansion. Approximately 10-37 seconds into this expansion, a phase transition causes a cosmic inflation, during which it is believed an essence of quark-gluon plasma forms a bio-intention which is speculated to later fully-manifest into "the Fograt" during the Cretaceous Period. The Atacama Large Millimeter/sub-millimeter Array (ALMA), the world’s largest astronomical interferometer, is currently penetrating 10-38 seconds to confirm this event.
268 million B.C. A certain multituberculate rodent (which is a predecessor of the superfamily Muroidea of the genus Rattus) forages on a barren hillside (on what will one day become the Cliffs of Moher at the southwestern edge of the Burren region in Ireland) and falls into the nest of a female Fog Falcon (Falconis Nebula), in the zenith of her estrous cycle. The two animals copulate, and following a 68-month gestation process, one of their offspring survives and the genus Falconis Rattus colloquially called, "Fograt", is born.
66 million B.C. The Fograt species, having no comparable mate and likely doomed to extinction, is ironically saved by the very same asteroid that is believed to have destroyed the dinosaurs: the Chicxulub Asteroid. Fograt, seeing the approaching asteroid, is inexplicably drawn to it. It is believed he wings through the exosphere and enters deep space, surviving on oxygen stored in his bronchoalveolar lavage (which is abnormally large in his species). Fograt reaches the asteroid as it breaches the Alpha Centuari System, and nests on it for 7.6 days, rendering his organism immortal by the Yarkovsky Effect of the radiation. The asteroid (with Fograt safely nested in one of its plume tubes) plummets into the earth eradicating the dinosaurs.
Event date still being confirmedIn the Fall of 1987, a doctorate team at the University of California at Berkeley publishes a study comparing the mtDNA of 692 people from 48 of the world's geographical locations. They conclude that ALL 692 have the same female ancestor. She is now called "the mitochondrial Eve". At the bequest of an anonymous but influential ancestor of Pope Leo XI, the study is re-examined to assess whether there may have been "fograt spittle mtDNA" in the Pyrimidinese section of the strand. This gives support to the theory that Fograt, not the snake, was the original purveyor of the apple. Results are expected to be announced in January 2014.
500,000 B.C. Fograt finds companionship with early Neanderthals and is believed by many laypersons to have been "the ‘cave man's best friend". Petroglyphs in caves in uKkaklamba Park, South Africa add credence to this point by depicting Fograt ingesting copious amounts of the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion (later to be ranked by Guinness World Records as the world’s hottest pepper). Many archeologists believe that Fograt likely inadvertently invented fire due to an esophageal expulsion of this highly combustible gastrointestinal gas.
3100 B.C. Recent evidence submitted at the 132nd annual Scientific-Xenomorph Convention (SXC) in Stockholm Sweden indicates that a robotic humanoid creature and a "rat-like-bird" may have been present at the creation of Stonehenge. Further analysis provided by Nobel Laureate Dr. Jacob Glaser suggests the stones may in fact have been constructed by the first ever extraterrestrial/terrestrial partnership.
2500 B.C. Based on a recent understanding of the Rosetta Stone hieroglyphs, it is now believed by most Eastern historians that Fograt was "instrumental" in assisting the Egyptians with the construction of the Great Pyramids. Evidence of this partnership debunks outdated archaeological theories crediting the creation of the pyramids to high volumes of labor and advanced Egyptian mathematics. Further analysis is being conducted to determine if the Egyptian Sun god Ra, was in fact, Fograt.
336 B.C. While crossing the southern region of the Hindu Kush Mountain range, King Alexander is thwarted with the challenge of getting his troops and munitions across the hostile mountain passes. Fograt, who recently developed a symbiotic relationship with elephantus barus (he scouted for foraging areas for them while they provided him with hot, salty showers) stumbles upon the King and his troops. Scholars now believe that Fograt and his elephants assisted in the crossing.
64 A.D. During the Great Fire of Rome the Great Emperor Nero plays his fiddle under the main South Gate of the Aurelian Wall. Fograt, who was likely migrating south for the winter, rests his weary wings next to the Emperor and is believed to have "danced a little". Although his presence in Rome at this time has been confirmed by engravings of his image on Roman Legionnaire shields, the question of his dancing is still a matter of great speculation. Visit www.didfogratdance.com to join the scientific debate on this hotly contested historical premise.
586 A.D. Although the overall legend of "King Arthur" is considered to be fiction, based on entries in Historia Brittonum and Annales Cambriae there appears to have been a young knight apprentice by the surname of "Art(h)-ur" who fought valiantly against the invading Anglo-Saxons in the late 5th to early 6th century. These documents also recount a specific rite of passage at the time wherein "a large blade or sword must be withdrawn from a stone by human might alone". The entries also reference a "blak-brid-rotte monstrum" loosely translated as a "black bird-rat-like creature" with a "rodent-visage" that was present at the event and may have been assisting. Esteemed historian Thomas Charles-Edwards states "…at this stage of the enquiry, one can only say that there may well have been an historical Arthur and Fograt [but ...] the historian can as yet say nothing of value about him or this questionable creature".
1621 A.D. English settlers arriving at Berkeley Hundred (approximately 8000 acres on the north bank of the James River), created a charter whereby the day of their arrival would be observed yearly as a "day of thanksgiving" to be celebrated with Native Americans of the Squanto tribe. On the first annual event the Squantos arrived with maize, purple sweet potatoes, and pumpkins. Not to be outdone, the Pilgrims hold an emergency ad-hoc "Pilgrim’s Committee Meeting" (PCM) to vote on which "bountiful food item" they should contribute to the feast. During this event one of the Founding fathers, Captain John Woodlief, witnesses the Fograt hunting and slaying a wild turkey and is inspired.
1937 A.D. The Fograt adapts to a more vegetarian diet and unknowingly invents the world’s first supercomputer by creating dual core processors to perform an arithmetic operation to monitor and project inventory stock levels of his storage of legumes. Like all great scientific discoveries, an accident occurs while programming an automated process to compute the carotenoid levels of his kale stock and the original coding for "Gishbot" (a freak binary virus) is created.
1969 A.D. During Apollo 11’s mission to the moon Neil Armstrong discovers evidence of a prior visitor.
1987 A.D. Fograt, in an attempt to woo the Tin Woodsman, outfits himself with appropriate mating garb. Although Fograt faced public humiliation searching for the non-existent Emerald City, this "garb" goes viral. Steampunk, a sub-genre of science fiction that typically features steam-powered machinery in combination with apparel, is born.
2011 A.D.GISHWHES, brainchild of actor Misha Collins, is launched and in search of a mascot. Miss Jean Louis Alexander, artist, enviro-destructionist, foodist, nudist, and recluse, suggests the legendary Fograt creature "might be adequate". Fograt agrees to the use of his likeness as long as he maintains branding rights in the Western Mongolia region of China.
2013 A.D. Gallus Lupus, a rumored species cross-breed of a rooster and wolf, is spotted by respected members of the renowned International Aves Composium (IAC) in the Annapurna range of the Himalayas. The creature is immediately identified by Miss Jean Louis as the "the next big thing". She arranges a surprise meeting between Fograt and "Wooster" (not to be confused with the now extinct Wolfcock). Fograt, previously thought to be immortal, is quickly killed and eaten. Wooster, by default, becomes the new face for GISHWHES the Third.
Huge thanks to Laura DeGlopper (stunning graphics!), Jayne McKenna, Jesse F., and Sir Felippe.